Extracts From The Secret Diary Of Nicklas Bendtner….

By Umid Dey.

August 18, 2012.

7 am. I wake up from sleep. The first things I see after opening my eyes everyday are posters of Nicklas Bendtner with a caption of ‘The Best In The World’ all around my room.

I wake up pleased. Everyday.

But today, I was extra-pleased because tonight my Club Arsenal will be playing Real Madrid – one of the best teams in the World – and I am going to be in the starting XI. Only a foolish manager would leave out his best player when his team is playing against the best team in the World.

August 19, 2012.

I was too tired to write about last night’s game last night itself; after all, I scored 5 goals against Real Madrid to help Arsenal win 5-4 after being 4-0 down at half-time. So I was tired; tired of carrying Arsenal on my back – but, they don’t call me The Great Dane for no reason.

I not only scored 5 goals, but I assisted 5 of them as well. I didn’t allow Szczesny to take goal-kicks because, if he did, the assists would have been his. So I took the goal-kicks myself by shooting the ball in the air and then running to reach the place where the ball would land, receive it, dribble past my opponents, and then score.

For my 5th goal, I actually told my team-mates, including Szczesny, to stand in my way while I am dribbling so that I would dribble past all 21 players on the pitch and then score. And that’s exactly what happened: I dribbled past 21 players, then went past the referee, then nutmegged my own self by slowly pushing the ball and quickly standing in front of it to let it roll between my legs and then scoring.

I went past all 22 players on the pitch – including myself – and 23 men to score the greatest goal of all time. Only Nicklas Bendter can go past Nicklas Bendtner with the ball - I am just too awesome.

Once Mourinho said that 5-4 is a “disgraceful” score-line in a 11v11 game and that he sends his players back to the dressing rooms, as they are not defending properly, if the score-line reaches 5-4 in a 3v3 training match. I wonder what he did to his players last night after they conceded 5.

They once conceded 5 against Barcelona, too, but conceding 5 against Barcelona and conceding 5 against a team that has Nicklas Bendtner – the best in the World – in it is 2 very different things.

Barcelona didn’t have me – Nicklas Bendtner – so it’s not understandable to concede 5 against them. After all, who did Barca have in that game? Lionel Messi? Andres Iniesta? David Villa? Meh. These are players who are not even fit to tie the laces of my boots – you get these players in every street of Denmark.

However, last night was different. Real conceded against me. They should, and must, be happy that they were blessed enough to concede 5 against the best in the World. If Mourinho didn’t do anything to his players after they conceded 5 against Barca, then he must have partied last night after conceding 5 against me as he conceded way less than he expected.

Anyways, after the match, Wenger came to me and told that I was excellent and bla bla… the usual stuff to make me feel good. I don’t know what kind of an idiot he is because even after being with me for so many years, he doesn’t realise that I always feel good about myself, regardless of whether I get praised or not.

A reporter came to me and asked me how I felt scoring 5 against a great team like Real. I replied, “It was easy, a piece of cake. Scoring goals have always been as easy as walking in the park for me; whether it is against Real Madrid or any other team.” (I know that this is my diary and thus putting my own words in quotes may have baffled you, but guess what; this is cool – the guys you see doing the same with their tweets on Twitter or comments/statuses on Facebook got that from me. This is called ‘being awesome’.)

I went to the dressing room and got a hero’s welcome. The new guy Cazorla came to me and said that he never had a team-mate who made such good use of his passes. I replied to him, “that’s because you never had Nicklas Bendtner as your team-mate”. (Again, I’m being awesome.)

Now you must be wondering when did Arsenal play against Real Madrid. They played Sunderland on August 18, not Real Madrid, you must be shouting in your head.

Well, that’s in your inferior Universe – the Universe which everyone sees. In your Universe, Arsenal played Sunderland and drew 0-0. But in that superior Universe, Arsenal played Real Madrid and I scored 5.

That superior Universe is located in a blissful place called ‘The Mind Of Nicklas Bendtner’. You have to be Nicklas Bendtner to see what is happening in that Universe and God has made just one Nicklas Bendtner – and that’s me – so only I can see that Universe. No-one else can.

So all of you mere mortals: be pleased by being and seeing this inferior Universe and I, on the other hand, will be owning that superior Universe by my breath-taking, jaw-dropping and eye-popping Football skills – and you won’t be able to see that.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA,” I laugh at you all.

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Note: This is just a satirical article and isn't Nicklas Bendtner's real diary - this is just intended for fun purposes and not to offend Bendtner or anyone mentioned in this article.

Why Arsenal should keep Theo Walcott on the bench

By Abhinav.

The following piece has nothing to do with Theo’s quality or that the act of being put on the bench as a punishment for not agreeing to a contract extension is right. In fact, it’s praising Arsene Wenger for keeping Walcott on the bench in Arsenal’s last two games – something which will get the best out of him.

Making the transition from a squad player into an impact sub into a first teamer – most notably, since the 2010-2011 season began – Theo has come a long way ever since signing for Arsenal in 2006 as a 16 year old.

Young Walcott At Southampton

He came with a lot of expectations due to his price tag along with the media hype and Sven Goran Eriksson calling him up to the England squad for the 2006 World Cup didn’t exactly help his development as a teenager:

Walcott In The 2006 World Cip

“My opportunity to do my growing up as a footballer out of the spotlight had disappeared for ever. I couldn’t now learn on the undercard of a bill, like a young fighter making his way through the ranks. I was still a raw novice but I had to accept that I was also one of the headline acts. It didn’t matter whether I liked it or not. I just had to get on with it.”

Known for his blistering pace and yet, terrible final ball and inconsistency, Theo has shown more of his ‘football brain’ in recent seasons on the wings despite claiming he is best utilized in the center forward role. The England international was the most productive English winger last season while also directly contributing to 46 goals in the last two seasons prior to the 2012/2013 season.

However, he can be complacent and invisible at times – mainly due to the fact that he knew he wasn’t going to be dropped for a declined Andrei Arshavin. But with the rise of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, an adapted Gervinho along with the signing of forward, Lukas Podolski – equally adept at playing on the left – Walcott has a fight on his hands to even get on the bench.
Having reportedly rejected a new contract extension at Arsenal worth around £75,000 per week, asking for £100,000 per week in the process, Arsene Wenger has opted to keep Theo despite his contract running out this summer. £100,000 is a large salary, especially for an inconsistent 24 year old, considering the fact that players like Mikel Arteta and Santi Cazorla earn less.

 Ever since those contract talks reportedly ended, Theo has been kept on the bench for the away games vs Stoke City and Liverpool, not featuring in the latter 2-0 win. He isn’t expected to start the game against Southampton either – and this is perfectly fine.
Being on the bench frustrates players – it certainly frustrated Walcott when he was on the bench for the game against Barcelona in the Champions League in 2010 as he wrote in his book. Benched players deliver their utmost best as they have to make an impression to their managers, working twice as hard.

Walcott is deadlier as an impact substitute anyway as whom better to bring on in the 60^th minute against tiring defenders than a speed merchant like Walcott? Barcelona wouldn’t be able to answer that for you.

It is debateable but Walcott’s best performances have come on the global stage, notably, as a substitute. Three games come to mind; his cameo against Liverpool in the 2008 quarterfinals of the Champions League where he made a sensational run from inside his own half into the Liverpool box before finally assisting Emmanuel Adebayor. 

Another was his substitute appearance against Barcelona in the 2010 Champions League quarterfinals when Arsenal were trailing 2-0 at the Emirates, only for Walcott to come on and change the game with his pace, ultimately scoring a goal as Arsenal eventually pegged Barcelona back 2-2.

"I can only speak from experience but he [Theo Walcott] was one of the most dangerous players I have ever played against." - Lionel Messi.

And lastly, a more recent example – England’s EURO 2012 group stage game with Sweden, where the three lions were losing 2-1, only for Walcott to come on and score an equalizer while terrorizing the Swedish defense with his pace, and assisting Danny Welbeck for the eventual winner.

Defenders can prepare knowing Walcott will start as he’s not the best at utilizing his pace to get past players and can be contained more or less very easily, however, coming off the bench, he would be a deadly asset as tiring defenders wouldn’t be able to cope with him nor would they bomb forward knowing there’s a legitimate counter attacking threat.

Walcott may not be the best technical player but he is certainly a game changer – an enigma as seen by the 5-2 win over Tottenham in late February 2012. After being wanted off by Arsenal fans by halftime, the former Southampton man scored twice in the second half compounding Spurs’ misery.

Arsene Wenger would want to keep Walcott following the end of this season and the Englishman would be even more deadly coming off the bench for more reasons than one.

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