Friday 21 September 2012

Barcelona’s Professional Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore


By Faisal.

One of the best backline of all times: Alves, Alex Song, Javier Mascherano and Adriano. They aren’t regular starters, they are back ups, but back up of the greatest defense line up you can ever come up: Dani Alves (certainly not in his peak in recent times and stay in opponent’s half most of the time), Carlos Puyol (34 years old and certainly struggling physically), Gerard Pique (poor form since quite a while now), Adriano and Jordi Alba.

'Defend what?! I can't listen!'
(To understand the paragraph above, you have to know what sarcasm is.)

Puyol is definitely one of best defenders of all time, but you have to admit that age is catching up on him. He can’t carry this huge task of defending all alone. We need to realize that this 34-years old man needs some rest, and we saw many examples of how he got injured in recent times. Well, I’m not saying that he is finished, but he’s certainly not in his psychical peak condition anymore. Furthermore, another great warrior, Abidal, retired because of his Liver transplant – so they needed at least two defenders, and one of them should have been a center back. 

Everyone was thinking Barcelona were going to sign a center-back, as a Puyol’s backup. But what did they do? They trolled the whole football world by signing another midfielder (Alex Song) and a left back (Jordi Alba).

Well, at least Barcelona thought they trolled us – Football fans – big time, but now it looks like they trolled themselves by not signing a center-back.

No backup for an aging and injured Puyol – just no. They swore not to buy any back up for Puyol, as they may think it be insult for Puyol.

Instead they bought a ‘defensive’ midfielder with no tactical and positional awareness – yes, they bought another midfielder; an area which is already so overpopulated that a World-class player like Cesc is warming the bench.

Biggest Part Of Barca's Professional Joke
To solve this problem Barcelona came up with an ingenious idea: make Alex Song a defender as a backup of any of the only two existing CB, Puyol and Pique. Isn’t that hilarious? Barcelona thought so.

Oh, they did spend to buy another player: Jordi Alba, Spain’s best left-back.

The question is did they need him? Yes, they did as Abidal has retired. But did they need an attacking left-back (when they already have an attacking right-back) more than a center-back? No.

Read the statement below which Barcelona released to explain why they bought another midfielder instead of a center-back:
“The world is surely going through a tough time. Everywhere there is sadness and depression, and so, as the greatest club we are, we decided to do something for this world – to make it happier.
 “We will make a really professional joke, which will leave people in awe at first and later they will just laugh till they pooped in their pants. So here is what we did and what we want to do: we bought another midfielder, Song, instead of a center-back, in an already overpopulated midfield, and then made him play as defender. Now, we intend to play him and Mascherano or Busquets as central defenders. 
“This will make people laugh as, for sure, those midfielders will make stupid mistake when they play as defenders. Just think how funny it will be to watch when our defender will also try to dribble past opponents as they have the DNA’s of midfielders? How beautiful and surprising it will be to watch an empty defense as our beloved Dani will be in the opponent’s half trying to assist/score more goals rather than defending, Mascherano will move too his natural ‘midfield’ position by habit, Alex and Adriano, both, will fly to attack? Isn’t that wonderful? It will be really funny for spectators to watch.
“By the way, in the near future, we will buy Neymar and make him the goalkeeper and he will be given permission to attack and dribble past opposition players – and will certainly get the ball away from Di Maria, unlike Valdes.”
'My ball control's better than Valdes!' | Barca's Future Goalkeeper
The blue plan of Barcelona was to make a little professional joke for the sake of this world. But unfortunately, it’s not funny anymore.

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Note: The ‘statement’ of Barca was a pure work of imagination. Barca didn’t, actually, release any statement like that for real, this was just made up for humour purposes.

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